“Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:17-18
Dad is no longer with us. I’ve thought about him a great deal lately because it’s been a year since he went into a nursing home; not what he wanted.
In August 2019 he fell in the garden and ended up in hospital. On the day of his discharge, he fell off the hospital bed and broke his hip. Surgery, follow-up and recovery didn’t go so well. Not the answer to prayer we wanted.
When it was clear he wasn’t making progress, I travelled to Stranraer, Scotland to assess the situation in person. The fall had mentally injured him too; he’d lost his confidence stymieing his efforts to try to walk again. Despite the urging of his physical therapist and lots of encouragement from his family and friends, he made little progress making it clear he couldn’t live alone any more. Dad fought the idea of a nursing home tooth and nail insisting he would be able to manage on his own even though he could hardly walk with the aid of a walker. It was hard to watch him struggle and at times, hard to manage his situation when he wouldn’t accept his limitations.
Dad was always active. He took up bike riding after his retirement, a boyhood love of his. He would sometimes cycle 40 miles well into his 70s. He loved being independent, playing golf, cycling, walking and being outdoors. He loved his garden and worked very hard making it beautiful and neat.
Aging, slowing down, physical limitations and mounting health issues frustrated him. He just wanted to live out his days independently in the home he’d known for 47 years; the home in which he’d raised his children with his best friend, my mum, Irene.
During my extended visit which became 9 weeks instead of 3, I did lots of praying; I asked for prayers of all the prayer warriors I know and those I met along my way. It seemed the answers weren’t what we wanted.
It took several weeks to convince Dad with all of us working on him one at a time offering encouragement and reasons why this was the best solution for him. At a discharge meeting at the hospital with all of his caretakers present; the doctor, occupational and physical therapists, nursing staff and social worker as well as 2 family members, he finally relented and said “yes” to entering the nursing home. What he actually said was, “let’s give it a go”. His answer stunned us.
As soon as he gave his consent, we instantly shifted into planning and executing his release from hospital. My very first conversation with the social worker who was to coordinate all the parts of the shift, was about how long we would have to wait until a place opened up in Thorney Croft and if Dad could remain in hospital until that time.
Stranraer is a small town of about 11,000 people. Very picturesque nestled at the top of Loch Ryan in the south west of Scotland. It’s been a popular vacation spot for decades and anyone who visits falls in love with the area. Living there has its challenges, one of which is facilities for its aging population. Stranraer has 2 nursing homes; one much older than the other, the newer one being the most sought after with a waiting list of up to 2 years. It is bright and airy with large windows and a small garden in the back. The staff is friendly and caring and it doesn’t smell like a nursing home! If we had a choice, this would be the one we wanted.
On the day I spoke with the social worker, her answer amazed me. There were 3 openings at the nursing home! Totally unheard of but exactly what we wanted.
On October 31, 2019, I moved Dad into Thorney Croft nursing home. I could return to my own home in America knowing he was being taken care of there and that the dear friend and neighbour who had been burdened with his care for much longer than we knew, could be relieved of that responsibility. [She never saw it as a burden but as a promise to my mother and a natural act of loving care].
Dad only lived there for 3 ½ months but at least I didn’t have to worry about him falling or getting hurt. Not a choice any of us really wanted to make but one that was the best for him in the end.